Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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