some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
