By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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