Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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