True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
