I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
