Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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