I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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