I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
