Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
