Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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