i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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