so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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