I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
