O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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