True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
