ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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