She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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