sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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