He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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