I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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