Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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