maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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