Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
