It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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