whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
