i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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