Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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