its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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