are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
