maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this is an emotional support booty call
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
