I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
