I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
