Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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