My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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