the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
