If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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