i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
