I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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