Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
