Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
