I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
