I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
