Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
