Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
