Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
