update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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