I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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