conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
