Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
