he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
