I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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