Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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