Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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