Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
