Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
