if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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