haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can't special order awesome
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
