Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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