Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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