she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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