I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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