I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
