can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
