i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
