i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
