ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
