i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
