he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
