then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
