And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
