That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
