ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
