When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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