The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
