your room smells of hookers.
And success
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
